"Rose is Reaching Out" Claims Fifth Floor BPP Professor

by Anonymous

Softer Side to Andy . . . Groundbreaking research into the cold call patterns of Macroeconomics Professor Andy Rose revealed a change of (gulp) heart. The data indicates that Andy has broken from previous patterns (see HaasWeek April 1998 in the HaasWeek online archives). There appears to be a strong (strong by an economist's standards, that is) correlation between how often students volunteer in the classroom and how often they are cold called.

Data collected from the 8:00 section of Macro 201b from February 17 to April 15, 1999, indicates the following cold call pattern:

Number of cold calls = 7.5 - (0.2 * Volunteered Expressions), where,

Volunteered Expressions consist of volunteered questions, answers, and comments in class. Over the two-month observation period a student in 201b could expect 7.5 cold calls with a decrease of one cold call per every five volunteered expressions.

When presented with the data, a fifth floor BPP professor proclaimed, "Well, its obvious. Andy is dealing with positive changes in his personal life (baby on the way) that are becoming manifested in the classroom. Rose wants to reach out and bond with students. Those students who do not voluntarily bond are volunteered through cold calling by Andy."

Theory of Love . . . Students in 201b shouldn't be surprised, however. In February, Rose disguised a lecture on unemployment to discuss the Theory of Love. Apparently, he uses cold calling to influence the love finding factor in class with ultimate benefit to the 201b GDL (Gross Domestic Love). Said one 201b student deeply involved with the Career Center, "I am truly troubled. I don't want to be one of those unemployment statistics, yet I must listen to lectures on love. Ugh."

Hot Zones . . . Drift in the data reveal that Rose still hasn't broken the habit of cold calling certain regions of the room. Though the 1998 hot zone has contracted, contagion spread cold calling crises to other regions of the room. As the figure shows, 94% of the students who received more cold calls than the class trend reside in one of these hot zones.

One hot zone is nicknamed "Yen Alley", as 67% of its residents have worked in Japan. One of these students surmised, "perhaps Andy is implicitly taking out some internal macroeconomic bitterness that he has for the Bank of Japan's blatant disregard for the Phillips Curve." In the other hot zone, students surmise that Andy is displacing anger at Her Majesty's citizens for ignoring his advice during the 1992 financial crisis. Only Andy's psychologist would know.

Mr Roger's . . . When presented with the data, Andy's psychologist (and Haas MBA Director), Dave Downes expressed concern. "Andy Rose alone has made Haas the "Camp Pendleton of capitalism (Harvard being West Point). If it's true that Andy is going soft, we can only go in one direction. Soon, I fear, we will be the 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood school of capitalism."

Associate Dean of Instruction Andy Shogan was not flustered by the data and shared: "I put Rose under an instructor restriction that he cannot at any point call upon himself in the classroom." This suggests that perhaps Andy believes that cold calling those students who talk less will result in a higher probability of himself being able to talk as a rebuttal.

Students React . . . Reactions among the student body have been mixed:

"Andy finally escaped MIT's hazing mentality (Rose got his PhD at MIT). Years of brutal, multi-dimensional, econometric regressions can damage a man and his humanity. Permanently. He survived, thank G-d." - Former graduate student at MIT in 9:30 section.

"Every Economist sees that this gangsta saltwater-freshwater feud has got to stop. It starts with some joker spouting IS-LM, someone one-ups him with rational expectations, and then everyone's throwin' down. I respect Andy. He knew he was beat. So he rolled-over and become a softy. There's nothing wrong with that, Andy. It's not your fault you went to MIT." - Former freshwater graduate student in 8:00 section.

"First mover advantage was huge in Micro game theory. So I thought I would try it on the Macro side of the economy. It seems to work pretty well. Just as Professor Rose turns his back on the class and is ready to shock some poor SOE, ask a question about a topic that has not yet come up in his lectures. He'll tell you to hold on a few minutes and then he'll answer your question for you. Its sort of like cold calling him!" - Student #31 (for 31 expressions, most in 8:00 section).

"We all know Professor Rose has been an invaluable asset to C4C and to building comraderie between the faculty and students at Haas. He truly is looking for full inclusion from the student body. However, as the by-laws of C4C forbid any religious or political associations, we do tend to worry about mention of 'Mundell's Holy Trinity.' We're trying to focus him on Scotch and Cigars." - Leader from C4C in 8:00 section.

Where to hide . . . Advice for next year's Macro sections. Hug the Board. The data indicates safe haven if you sit closest to the wall that has the board, as four of six students significantly beat the cold calling trend. The probability of a cold call, even with few expressions, is lower than the probability of a Russian capital account surplus.

Channel maintained by .....
David Porter
Philip Inghelbrecht